The Suit

Nothing looks or feels better than a well-fitted suit.

Something about a well-fitted suit brings some confidence. John Mulaney says in interviews that early in his stand-up career he would wear a suit in his specials because it makes him feel important. He even goes to the airport in a suit because when you demand to get onto a flight in a suit, the airline takes you more seriously.

But an ill-fitting suit just looks bad. Think about all the awful, dated prom pictures. Perhaps yours is included in that. Does the man have a sport coat that swallows him whole? Were your pants not hemmed right? Did you not know the correct placement of the cummerbund? Did you know that’s how cummerbund was spelled?

I had a dream of such an atrocious suit. It was a weird dream, of which there are many memorable moments and, in my opinion, multiple interpretive avenues.

I dreamt that I was standing in the back of a church with all my best friends. We were wearing suits. And it was my wedding day. I looked all my friends in the eye, they all gave me a hug or a handshake, and I walked right up to the front of the stage, walking past countless people sitting in pews (the natural finish ones with the maroon padding). I was standing there with the minister and noticed I was trying to hold my pants up. Come to think of it, why is my shirt so loose? These shoes must be a size 20! Did these pants not come with a belt? Why is this suit so big and old?

I remember standing there focusing on my suit and the ceremony, but suddenly realizing that it was just me up there with the minister. And I didn’t know where my bride was. I was standing in front of all these people (at my wedding) holding up my pants, faking a smile, and standing next to this minister (closely resembling a college professor of mine). I had no clue what was going on. It seemed this day was ruined.

I noticed the pastor was beginning to speak. With a Bible open in front of him, he was pontificating about something. I saw his mouth moving and there was some referencing of the book, but the next thing I knew, I was fixated on him. I remember getting lost in his exposition, the words being presented. I remember my fascination and wonder. Wow, this guy has something to him. So eloquent, well spoken, gentle, kind. I looked down and noticed I wasn’t holding my pants anymore. In fact, my shoes fit, my jacket was trim, my shirt was in order. I looked good in this suit. Suddenly I hear the doors open in the back of the sanctuary. My bride enters view.

The suit is an apt metaphor for my spiritual journey.

It baffles me what I thought I had figured out when I was a teenager and still novice to a lot the Christian faith. It was a lot like playing dress up, trying on big ideas I had no business handling, walking around like I owned them as adults saw I still needed to grow into them. But this is also an awkward phase. The ill-fitting suit illustrates an adolescent phase of my spiritual life (that I am arguably still in) to show how I am still a young person who can’t seem to make this suit look pristine. But I see a more forgiving image as well.

I see and image of a suit that stands in representing the faith passed down to me from generations. This suit is old, but it is by no means a bad suit. Perhaps I am the one that needs to grow into it. As I stand there, trying to hang on to a faith I don’t know as well as I thought, I hear the words we often hear at weddings: readings from Scripture, the old wedding rites from Christians before us, sage wisdom from followers of Jesus both past and present. It is this wisdom that gives form and shape to our faith. These things take part in our formation. And it is after these things that the suit no longer feels foreign. It is in abiding that my restlessness ends. My eyes are fixed on Jesus, no longer my fidgeting or worry are hurry. And suddenly the suit fits better.

Someone once told me that seeing someone who has journeyed well with Jesus looks like someone who knows how to wear a suit; they make the walk look good.

One of my goals this year is to work on writing a bit more. I think it’s something I have an aptitude for and something that I could get better at. And I hope that all this writing and practice can help me find my voice, hopefully a helpful voice to the Church. I hope I can be one of these people that makes this thing called faith look good. I don’t know what this will turn into, how frequent, no intended audience, none of that. Just a guy trying to walk around holding his pants up, trying to wear the suit well. I invite you to join me.